Loony Lockdown Governors Make a Meal of Defining What a Meal Is


While activists demand politicians defund the actual police, nanny state governors are deploying the “menu police.” California’s Governor Gavin Newsom and New York Governor Andrew Cuomo have decided to dictate what constitutes a meal to sell a companion adult beverage.

It started earlier this month in New York, where Governor Cuomo issued an order that any business selling an alcoholic beverage for consumption had to sell the customer a meal as well. His justification appeared to be social distancing:

“If you’re not eating a meal, and you’re just drinking, then it’s just an outdoor bar and people are mingling and they’re not isolated at individual tables. And that’s what we’re seeing,” Cuomo said.

No mingling for New Yorkers! These guidelines were thanks to about 5,000 Karens calling the state’s hotline reporting people were not social distancing at bars. The new instructions were quite specific:

“Purchase of a food item which is consistent with the food availability requirement of the license under the Alcoholic Beverage Control Law” shall mean that for each patron in a seated party, an item of food must be purchased at the same time as the purchase of the initial alcoholic beverage(s).

However, one or more shareable food item(s) may be purchased, so long as it/they would sufficiently serve the number of people in the party and each item would individually meet the food standard below.

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The enforcement even went so far as to define “Cuomo Chips” as insufficient unless salsa is served with them.

Not to be outdone, nanny state Newsome issued his guidelines. Having backtracked on reopening, the governor ordered bars closed again. So to serve alcohol in outdoor dining venues, a meal must be provided. More restrictive than New York, it appears that appetizers are not making the cut in California.

It is often easier to describe what does not constitute a bona fide meal. In that regard, while the statute excludes mere offerings of sandwiches and salad, the Department does recognize that many sandwiches and salads are substantial and can constitute legitimate meals. Once again, the Department looks at the totality of circumstances and generally considers that pre-packaged sandwiches and salads would not typically meet this standard. In addition, the Department will presume that the following, and offerings similar to them, do not meet the meal requirement:

  • Snacks such as pretzels, nuts, popcorn, pickles, and chips
  • Food ordinarily served as appetizers or first courses such as cheese sticks, fried calamari, chicken wings, pizza bites (as opposed to a pizza), egg rolls, pot stickers, flautas, cups of soup, and any small portion of a dish that may constitute a main course when it is not served in a full portion or when it is intended for sharing in small portions
  • Side dishes such as bread, rolls, French fries, onion rings, small salads (green, potato, macaroni, fruit), rice, mashed potatoes, and small portions of vegetables
  • Reheated refrigerated or frozen entrees
  • Desserts

So your salad can be served on a plate, but not in a pre=packaged container. One is a meal, and one isn’t. This specificity is some next-level insanity. There is no ordering some appetizers to share while you sip a beverage, either. You must eat a “bona fide meal,” which even the Department of Alcohol Beverage Control concedes is challenging to define. However, they clearly tell you what a meal is not.

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As long as Americans allow this kind of intrusion into their freedom and liberty, they will continue. It almost seems like these governors with serious authoritarian streaks are just trying to see how far they can go in dictating the smallest details of people’s lives.

Even worse, these Governors are picking winners and losers. If a business owner can’t meet the particular and often unnecessary regulations that are in no way based on science or public safety, they can’t open their business. These types of insane demands aren’t just for restaurants. They exist across the service industry where a company deals with the public.

The callousness and stupidity of this level of regulation will impact these nanny states for decades. And the longer this goes on, the clearer it becomes that they are politically motivated. The end goal seems to be to make Americans as miserable as possible, leading up to November.

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Will Trump Step Up Federal Intervention in Portland?


There is no silent Trump majority seething about months of civil unrest and leftist terrorism in these parts. Portland progressives are seething however, or at least simmering unhappily, and have been since President Trump defeated Hillary Clinton. A considerable majority of citizens hereabouts took the president’s victory as a catastrophic disaster. The outcome of Election 2016 quantifiably ruined the day-to-day existence of many people in Oregon’s largest city.

A manifestation of that ruination is playing out on the streets today. The violent civil unrest in the downtown core will soon enter its third month.

While downtown is always ground zero for anti-conservative, anti-Republican protests, riots, and domestic terrorism, the mindset that willfully countenances and abets such turmoil stretches to the absolute city limits. Portland progressives “tsk, tsk” when things get out of hand, and talk the talk of decrying violent and destructive aspects of the unrest. But deep down they know that since the advent of Donald Trump, certain bets about certain actions are off. The well-behaved denizens of the better neighborhoods would never throw a garbage can through the window of an Amazon store, a homemade firework at a phalanx of riot police, or a Molotov cocktail at a federal van. But rooted in the psyche of the people residing in the largely quiet surrounding neighborhoods is the belief that the angst of antifa and other agitators is, at least theoretically, warranted.

In the minds of the far-left Portland populace, the actions of the violent mobs who’ve taken over the streets are understandable, if not openly condonable. Protesters by the thousands show up downtown to voice their dissent early in the evenings, a show of solidarity with the cause. When darkness falls, the mostly peaceful among them draw back and leave the field to the hardcore agitators. But it’s not the anarchists who are seen as the villains. It is the federal agents here to protect federal personnel and federal buildings. A considerable majority of people in Portland see retributive justice in the idea of the state attorney general suing the federal government for showing up in town to protect their own property.

The people of Portland consistently and repeatedly elect and reelect politicians like Mayor Ted Wheeler. Unbelievably, from their perspective, he’s the one who’s got their backs. The electorate here is totally down with rationalizing the violent vanguard that is taking to the streets what a majority of them believe in their hearts: that America is systematically racist, and Donald Trump is an abomination as president. In the collective act of “tsk, tsking” and turning away from the violence, they embolden the harbingers of chaos and embolden politicians who won’t take effective measures to stop them.

But as Mr. Wheeler found out this week, all-in is not far enough.

Portland is a fully Democrat-run city. Running Republican in this neck of the woods is pure political theater, without a prayer of getting elected. The state GOP holds sway only in Red Oregon, the rural lands east of the I-5 corridor, which always go Republican, but because of the corridor population centers, have little chance of electing anybody to statewide office.

Local news affiliates report every night on the violence in carefully-couched packages, written by programming editors so that nothing can be construed as overt criticism of a local government that has aided and abetted a descent into permanent turmoil. Subtle criticism of Trump and the feds is always a grotesque transition away, woven into the spin with downtown Portland’s war zone as a backdrop. Local media has little choice; any credit or even fairness extended to Trump will prompt a deathblow-ratings demographic to angrily switch to broadcast media where subtle and not-so-subtle Trump disparagement rules the roost. The paper of record, the Oregonian, has not published a single article praising the president for anything he’s done in three-plus years.

The downtown anarchists, the well-behaved progressives in the quiet neighborhoods, the local media…each of these entities dissent in different ways. But the combined effect, the hoped-for end following the means, is always the same: it’s always Trump’s fault, and the fault of the people who voted for him. A second term for this president must be thwarted by any means necessary.

Anyone with doubts about where the city is headed, about the black-is-white, up-is-down nature of the philosophical and ideological incongruities running rampant in the City of Roses, is advised to keep such doubts to themselves. Unless they see themselves as reactionaries willing to put everything on the line.

Everything–including big-ticket civic celebrations like the annual Rose Festival and Blues Festival–had already been canceled downtown, due to COVID. It’s hard to imagine anything having gone on anyway, in the wake of George Floyd’s death. The riots are ongoing only blocks from Waterfront Park.

It is into this political and cultural environment that the Trump administration sent federal law enforcement personnel to protect federal property.

Could an expanded federal mission be in the offing?

Here’s an illustrative quote from the president involving another Pacific Northwest cauldron of domestic terrorism, Seattle’s “CHAZ” zone, after the president’s threats to intervene prompted local law enforcement to take back the streets.

I’m glad to see, in Seattle, they took care of the problem, because as they know, we were going in. We were ready to go in and they knew that too. And they went in and they did what they had to do.

We can only speculate about such a mission expansion in Portland, but it would not be a giant leap for federal enforcement personnel to fan out from the buildings they’re defending and deploy more broadly against rioters who have damaged property to the tune of millions of dollars, injured members of the local police force, and turned several city blocks downtown into an after-hours no/go zone.

Mark Ellis is the author of A Death on the Horizon, a finalist in the 14th annual National Indie Excellence Awards in the category of General Fiction. Follow Mark on Twitter.

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San Francisco Mayor Tells Woke White Progressive to Shut Up


In an interview with Vogue, San Francisco Mayor London Breed discussed a range of issues. When asked about the current cultural moment, she said that she was overwhelmed by the response from people who are not black to the Black Lives Matter movement. However, she also expressed frustration with so-called “white allies.”

When asked if she had any critiques of the current demonstrations, she responded:

I have a real problem with the takeover of the movement by white people.

I want people to respect the opinions and feelings of Black people and allow us to decide what is in our best interest. I talk about the plan to reduce the police budget and reallocate those resources to the African American community, and a large number of non-Blacks reached out to tell me what I should do for the Black community. Then, they say what their community deserves because of their challenges as well. That really bothered me. The Black community [of San Francisco] is capable of speaking for ourselves and deciding what’s in our best interest.

Then she answered a question about whether for not she felt that the concerns of San Francisco’s black residents were being heard. Breed sharply criticized the progressive movement:

What’s happening in San Francisco now, and has for so many years, is you have a progressive movement made up of people who are mostly white and feel that they know what’s in the best interest of Black people. I’m over that.

I think it’s important that we support and respect the Black people here enough to know that we have a mind of our own. Because half the policies pushed in San Francisco are “progressive policies” that don’t work for Black people. Because, if they did, why are things far worse for Black people here? In San Francisco, a city where less than 5 to 6% of the population is African American and yet we are disproportionately overrepresented in everything that’s bad: high school dropouts, arrests, homelessness. You name it.

Thank you, Mayor Breed! Though it could be just as easily argued that progressive policies are bad for everyone. She presides over a city that had more drug addicts than high school students in January of 2019. It also spawned the Snapcrap app that tracked public defecation.

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The city also has one of the most progressive district attorneys in the country. Raised by domestic terrorists Bill Ayers and Bernadette Dohrn, Chesa Boudin refuses to prosecute nearly all non-violent crimes. It is so bad Fox News Host Tucker Carlson did a series on San Francisco called American Dystopia:

With Breed’s criticism of progressive policies, it becomes necessary to wonder why she is embracing one of the worst ideas the woke left has come up with. She is actively diverting money away from the police department to invest in black communities. A majority of black Americans do not support this idea. Overall support has been dropping as violence in many cities has escalated.

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Breed’s rhetoric is pretty astonishing, given she leads a city where the black population has been declining for decades. According to the New York Times, black residents made up one in seven residents in San Francisco in 1970. Today it has fallen to one in 20, with the majority living in public housing.

Another consequence of progressive policies is skyrocketing rent and lack of affordable housing. While Breed has tried to remedy some of that by adding low-income units and shelter beds, it is like putting a bandage on an injury that requires a tourniquet.

According to the website RENTCafe, the average monthly rent in San Francisco is $3,629, with an average apartment size of 747 square feet. This amount is more than twice the national average of $1,468. This is an astounding price to pay to live among piles of poop, dirty needles, and unaddressed non-violent crime.

To the activists who have been critical of her leadership, Breed had a few words when she was asked if she had been misunderstood:

Yes, but I don’t care that I am by people who have privilege. Let me be clear: In most cases, they’ve never had to live like I’ve had to live. I had to live in a public housing development that they wouldn’t have even dared set foot in. This is over 20 years, not just two years, of my life. I’ve been working in the trenches for my community my entire life.

And none of these people have been in the trenches when we were dealing with issues of police brutality on a regular basis. Almost every day you’re hearing that someone that you loved was killed. I think part of it is, my experience is what determines how I make decisions. The good news is the people who know me and love me from the neighborhood I grew up in, they understand why I do what I do. They’re not “activists,” but they love and they trust me.

Here’s hoping her neighborhood encompassed half the city. Her comments are not likely to be popular with the woke white progressives who follow the Robin DiAngelo school of thinking. Only they know what is best, and Mayor Breed isn’t listening.

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Israel Reinforces Northern Border in Anticipation of Hezbollah Attack


The Israel Defense Force reinforced its northern border with Lebanon yesterday in anticipation of retaliation by Hezbollah for Israeli jets killing one of its fighters in Syria. Terrorist leader Hassan Nasrallah has announced an “equation of deterrence” with Israel, where Hezbollah would retaliate for every fighter killed in Syria and Lebanon.

What makes the situation doubly tense is that Lebanon is dissolving economically and socially. According to Haaretz, the crisis is the worst in Lebanon’s crisis-riddled history.

“Economically, Lebanon is probably in its worst situation ever,” Baram says. “It’s approaching the period of the civil war there in the mid-1970s. Unemployment is running at 40 percent, and about half the population is now below the poverty line. There are reports of people committing suicide because of hunger.” This week the London Times reported that the power grids in Lebanon are only operating for a few hours a day.

“All of that is not directly related to us. If you ask a Lebanese citizen, I doubt that Israel is even 10th on his list of concerns. He is upset by the lack of hope for the future and apparently understands that one of the reasons for this is the comportment of Hezbollah. The doubts are also trickling down into the country’s Shi’ite community. Lebanon is in a true Catch-22, under increasingly harsh external sanctions which stem from American measures against Iran and Syria, compounded by the international institutions’ lack of confidence in the Lebanese economy. The coming year will be fateful for Lebanon; it could result in the country falling apart, becoming insolvent.”

The Lebanese lira has lost 80 percent of its value since October. Food inflation is at an astonishing 200 percent. With a worthless currency and people unable to buy even basics like bread and oil, the population is beginning to starve.

Nasrallah, the power behind the throne in Lebanon, has been unable to cope. He’s busy winding down a successful war in Syria and continuing to threaten Israel, but the economic and social crisis is beyond his abilities. So Lebanese money men and their foreign backers are getting what they can from the failing banks and getting gone while the going is good.

Nasrallah is no fool. The last thing he wants is another war with Israel. He remembers the strategic standoff with Jerusalem in 2006 where some of Hezbollah’s best fighters were badly mauled by the IDF. He doesn’t want a repeat of that episode.

But his “retaliation” may slip out of his control and Hezbollah many find itself in another war. It’s not a likely scenario but it’s more than possible when it comes to Hezbollah. Lt.-Gen. Kenneth McKenzie, the head of the U.S. Central Command, believes Nasrallah would be crazy to take on the IDF again.

Jerusalem Post:

“I think it would be a great mistake for Hizballah to try to carry out operations against Israel. I can’t see that having a good ending,” he told journalists in a telephone briefing.

Before the coronavirus hit Lebanon, hundreds of thousands of people were in the streets protesting the government’s paralysis in the face of the crisis and calling for a revolution. That’s not going to happen. Hezbollah has guns. And they’re not disposed to allow the people to threaten their hold on power.

With financial aid from Iran reduced to a trickle thanks to U.S. sanctions, Nasrallah literally doesn’t know what to do. He’s reached out to the IMF for aid but there would need to be massive reforms in Lebanon before the fund would give them any cash. The EU might be disposed to help but they’re long on talk and short on opening their wallets.

He’s not at the end of the road yet, but Nasrallah can clearly see the brick wall in front of him.

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Dear Liberals, Stop Whining About Trump. A True Would-Be Hitler Is Terrorizing the World


Cultural observers far wiser than I have long noted that the current decade feels like the 1930s. American society is becoming more polarized; nationalism is on the rise; an economic crisis has emerged; wars and rumors of wars loom on the horizon. America — and much of the world — is facing a political crisis best understood in generational terms. The left has pushed this fatuous idea that Donald Trump is the modern reincarnation of Adolf Hitler. This is, quite frankly, absurd. But a real would-be Hitler is actually on the rise, and he is threatening to start another World War.

When considering potential analogues to Adolf Hitler or Benito Mussolini, more than one candidate comes to mind.

Brutal North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un oppresses his own people, pushing a state religion worshiping the Kim family. After a period of dialogue with South Korea, North Korea blew up a joint liaison office last month. Although a nuclear North Korea could cause a serious and calamitous war on the Korean peninsula, North Korea does not have the kind of muscle Adolf Hitler did in 1939.

Ayatollah Khamenei, the Supreme Leader of the Islamic Republic of Iran, has also led a brutal crackdown on dissent in his own country. In fact, Iran appears to have suppressed information about the coronavirus in order to avoid a low turnout in an election. Satellite images from space showing mass graves appear to have confirmed the opposition’s claims that Tehran has vastly under-reported the death count from the coronavirus pandemic. Yet Iran’s regime appears to be teetering. Internal resentment is high and the opposition has organized an international effort against the regime. The death of Quds Force leader Qasem Soleimani dealt a serious blow to Iran’s ability to exert terrorism in the Middle East.

Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan appears to be the closest analogue to Benito Mussolini. Mussolini aimed to restore the mighty Roman Empire, and Erdogan has declared his desire to reconquer the lands the Ottoman caliphate once ruled. His decision to convert the Hagia Sophia into a mosque may be a symbolic move toward Islamic empire. While Erdogan has fought a small civil war with Kurdish rebels, it does not seem like he is resurrecting the horrific Armenian Genocide, much less the Holocaust of Adolf Hitler.

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The real Hitler analogue

Each of these modern leaders is dangerous and terrifying in his own way, but only one brutal tyrant comes close to Adolf Hitler, and that is the leader of the Chinese Communist Party, Xi Jinping.

When it comes to Hitler comparisons, Xi has it all: territorial ambitions, use of the government to enforce propaganda, attacks on religious freedom, claims of returning to a grand past, and horrifying labor camps for religious and ethnic minorities. Indeed, the Chinese Communist Party also has an outside impact on the global economy, which probably gives it more influence than Adolf Hitler had.

Heck, there’s even an appeasement movement in the United States, with the NBA caving to the Communist Party’s whims and silencing Houston Rockets General Manager Daryl Morey’s message in support of the Hong Kong protests.

Let’s lay it out.

While China has aimed at modernization and a more capitalistic economy in recent decades, Xi Jinping has brought communism back with a flourish. In October 2017, Xi gave a terrifying speech calling for “national rejuvenation.” He pushed for a more explicitly communist constitution and advocated a more aggressive socialism. Xi also announced he would rebuild the military, aiming for “combat capability” and declaring, “A military is built to fight.”

Thanks in large part to the heinous one-child policy, China has a surplus of young men and a deficit of young women. This adds to a desire for foreign aggression.

Beijing has indeed been flexing its muscles. China built floating islands in the South China Sea in order to claim naval territory. In May, Xi sent soldiers into disputed lands between China and India, sparking more than a month of skirmishes in a border war. Late last month, Beijing imposed “direct authoritarian rule” over Hong Kong, arguably violating the treaty by which China gained limited control over Hong Kong from Britain.

Xi’s propaganda suggests he identifies with Mao Zedong, the brutal Communist dictator who unleashed the Cultural Revolution. As the coronavirus pandemic has ravaged China’s economy, the Communist Party has forced Christians who receive government benefits to choose between their faith or their government aid. Local officials have even barged into Christians’ houses, taking down crosses and posters of Jesus and replacing them with portraits of Xi and Mao.

Xi Jinping Promises Aggressive Communism

As for the coronavirus, the Chinese Communist Party lied to cover it up early on, and waited until after 5 million people had already left Wuhan before locking down the city at the center of the outbreak. The party also reportedly destroyed early samples of the virus and silenced doctors who tried to warn the world about it. A University of Southampton study found that if the Communist Party had enacted quarantine measures three weeks earlier, the coronavirus spread would have been reduced by 95 percent.

When the World Health Organization (WHO) tweeted that the coronavirus might transmit from person to person, the Chinese government told the WHO to remove that statement, and the WHO complied. China requested personal protective equipment (PPE) from across the world, and received 2.4 billion pieces. Later, when other countries asked China for PPE, China extorted them — only sending valuable medical aid if political leaders agreed to publicly praise Beijing. Chinese companies also sent faulty medical gear to European countries and to the U.S. Meanwhile, the Communist Party also prevented U.S. companies from shipping their own medical gear back home, where it is sorely needed.

The State of Missouri has already filed a lawsuit to hold China accountable, and there is a growing chorus of voices demanding the U.S. sue the Chinese Communist Party in an international court. China has even threatened U.S. senators by name who dared to call Beijing to account for its malfeasance. Americans want to see China held accountable.

Yet arguably the worst aspect of China’s oppression — and the one that most resembles Hitler — involves its treatment of the Uyghur Muslim minority in Xinjiang. Beijing has allegedly imprisoned 1 million members of Muslim minority groups in what China defends as de-radicalization and retraining centers.

Human rights activists have compared the camps to prisons and worse, claiming that inmates are sentenced there with little due process. The Uyghurs (the largest Muslim minority targeted) and others are compelled to denounce their religion, language, and culture and to pledge allegiance to the Chinese Communist Party and President Xi Jinping. According to an Associated Press investigation, Uyghur women are forced to use birth control or undergo involuntary sterilizations.

It does not appear that these Uyghur camps are death camps exactly like the Holocaust, but they are the closest modern analogue to that 20th-century horror.

While Democrats repeatedly defame Trump with ridiculous Hitler comparisons, they should stop their whining and take a long look over the Pacific Ocean. The real would-be Hitler is terrorizing China, muscling his way into India, seizing power in Hong Kong, tearing down Jesus and replacing him with Mao Zedong, running imprisonment camps, and abetting the spread of a global pandemic.

There’s not a lot the left and the right agree on these days, but both sides should be able to recognize the true would-be Hitler in Beijing.

Tyler O’Neil is the author of Making Hate Pay: The Corruption of the Southern Poverty Law Center. Follow him on Twitter at @Tyler2ONeil.

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Florida Man Friday: Tom Brady, Unleashed Florida Rebel


This week isn’t the first time Florida Man transplant Tom Brady has made the pages of Florida Man Friday, but it’s certainly the most recent.

So he’s got that going for him.

Which is nice.

So without further ado, let’s get on with another…

Florida Man Friday!

Let us begin as we always do with…

The Most Florida Man Story Ever (This Week)

‘Dangerously close’: Man’s split-second decision saves boy from shark.


Cocoa Beach Police officer Adrian Kosicki, who’s based in Florida, was at the beach on Thursday evening while off-duty.

Officer Kosicki was walking along the pier with his wife when the pair noticed a boy on a boogie board with a shark trailing behind him.

It’s not known if he hears them, but Officer Kosicki leaps into action and grabs the boy’s board pulling him back to the shore.

Who knew the Thin Blue Line extended into the water between kids and sharks?

Bravo, Florida Man Adrian Kosicki.

Florida Woman, Thy Name is ‘Chutzpah’

Florida woman tries to steal giant TV from Walmart.

Polk County Sheriffs posted on Facebook:

On Sunday, July 12th, at around 5:00 pm, the woman in this video went into the Mulberry Walmart (6745 North Church Avenue) with another woman, and the two began placing electronics into their shopping cart.

Then they placed a 65″ TV into the cart. If you’re reading this before watching the video, you’re probably asking yourself, “Does a 65″ TV actually fit in a shopping cart?”

The logical answer to that is, “No…not really.”

But this woman was determined, and she made it work. Lives by the USPS mantra, “If it fits, it ships.”

Our suspect’s co-conspirator exited the store first.

A short time later, the woman you see in the video went past all of the cash registers and out the front door without paying for any of it.

Security confronted the woman about her receipt…but she had none. She said she did, but she couldn’t prove that she did. That’s because she didn’t have one.

The other woman grabbed all of the stolen electronics out of the cart (minus the TV) and put them in their car. Then both women got in the car and fled. Store security was able to keep them from taking the TV though.

Now we’re trying to identify the woman. The security video is quite good, and we’re sure someone will recognize her.

It would have been the perfect crime, too, except for what Florida Woman tried to steal and how she tried to steal it and where she tried to steal it from.

That’s Not Going to Help the Resale Value

It’s been a long time since I was single, so am I right to assume that this kind of thing works now?

Alt-History, Florida Man Style

Florida Man Friday in Maps

(Map courtesy of theaidanman.)

So my first reaction after stumbling across this map on Twitter during my Florida Man Friday prep was, “Now that’s an alt-history story I’d love to read!”

I’m a huge alt-history buff, a lover of absurd humor, and a map collector, so this little item tickled three of my fancies.

My second reaction was to look for an attribution and noticed “theaidanman” in the lower-left corner.

A quick DuckDuckGo search later and I was on theaidanman’s DeviantArt page devoted to his alt-history maps — mostly whimsical and all very well done.

This guy knows his history and his ethnography, and he has some photoshop chops, too.

You’ll find this fascinating stuff if you’re anything like me, and if you are you have my deepest sympathies.

So That Happened

Surveillance video obtained by Local 10 News shows a man who appeared to have a cut on his arm or hand overnight in Miami Beach. He’s seen walking up to the front of a business on Alton Road and rubbing his blood on the glass window before moving on to the next storefront.

It’s been a long time since I did any drugs, too, but I don’t remember any that made me want to do anything like that.

Is there something new out there I need to double-warn my kids against?

Previously on Florida Man Friday: Forget the Gators, It’s Zombie Attack Time

Florida Woman and the Thin Blue Fridge

Florida Woman and the New Fridge

(Image by mohamed Hassan from Pixabay.)

Florida Woman calls 911 over broken fridge.

This is one of those stories that started out a little sad but ended up a lot sweet.

An elderly woman not sure what else to do when her fridge broke, called emergency services.

A little sad, right?

But then this:

Cheryl Nanartonis believed she was in crisis, her refrigerator broke down and her food was going to spoil. She said her resources were limited and she didn’t have the funds to buy a replacement. So Cheryl called 911. Although 911 is reserved for emergencies only, deputies were dispatched to Cheryl’s Jensen Beach home. They explained to Cheryl the importance of reserving 911 for emergencies only. But that’s not all. Realizing how upset Cheryl was, they knew they couldn’t clear the call without taking action. So Deputy Marcum, Deputy Elliot and Sgt. Flynn made arrangements with the Jensen Beach Goodwill to donate a gently used refrigerator to Cheryl. The deputies even had it delivered, and Cheryl was back on track.

Stupid internet-transmissible onion fumes. I hate those things.

Florida Man Got Lucky

If this had been back in the days when the Mob ran the casinos, Florida Man would be looking at a shallow grave from the bottom of it, instead of a mere four years in prison.

Lies, Damned Lies, and Statistics

(Image by F. Muhammad from Pixabay.)

Florida Man Who Died In Motorcycle Crash Listed Among COVID-19 Fatalities.

This is why nobody trusts experts anymore. Nobody paying attention, that is.

For all their problems, Florida has been remarkably transparent with its COVID-19 data. Whatever info we’re getting from the Sunshine State, the data from the other 49 are probably even less reliable.

This Isn’t a Parking Garage, It’s My Living Room

Florida Man Crashes Into House in Katy, TX.

HCSO and Cy-Fair Fire responded for a reported vehicle into house. Upon arrival, they found a male passed out in a white Chevy Malibu that had left the roadway, went through a yard, and crashed into the front door/garage area. Deputies found the driver unconscious in the car and were able to take him into custody. He was reportedly uncooperative and struggling with deputies when they tried to put him in the back of the patrol car.

Part of life is knowing when to say, “Yep, I was wrong,” and take your lumps. Having been found passed out in your car in someone’s house is one of those times.

Tom Brady Needs to Up His Game

Tom Brady Spotted Breaking Florida Law Wearing AirPods While Driving.

If you want Florida Man respect, Tom, you’re going to have to do a lot more than that.

A whole lot more.

Meanwhile, in California…

California Woman allegedly pees on floor of Verizon store after being asked to wear a mask.

What problem, exactly, was that supposed to solve?

Meanwhile, in Oregon…

Oregon Man attacks 2 with saw at Portland laundromat.

Is it wrong that I was hoping someone had fought him off with a pickaxe so I could write “Never bring a handsaw to a pickaxe fight” in this spot?

Because if that’s wrong, I don’t want to be right.

Meanwhile, in Louisiana…

(Mugshot courtesy of local authorities.)

Louisiana Man armed with gun stops machete-wielding man who entered Metairie store.

Machete versus pistol?

Now that’s more like it!

Stories like these can mean just one thing: Florida Man has exactly one week to reclaim his crown of glory in time for the next…

Florida Man Friday!
Previously On Florida Man Friday: Shaq to the Rescue and the Sneaky Skinny Dipper

The Gov’t’s Actions Have Gone Beyond Anything I Imagined!

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The Twitter Mob Wants Mary Hart’s Cutout Removed From Dodger Stadium


Mary Hart, the 1970 Miss South Dakota and former longtime host of “Entertainment Tonight,” is the latest victim of cancel culture after first being attacked for her appearance at Trump’s Mount Rushmore Independence Day Speech, and now for her cardboard cut out at Dodger Stadium.

When Hart introduced Gov. Kristi Noem at the July Fourth celebration, she held up two “OK” symbols with her hands referring to the “incredible audience” at the Mount Rushmore event. People accused Hart, a Trump supporter and donor, of holding up a “white power” symbol.

Hart responded to the accusations in disbelief: 

“A white supremacist symbol? Are you kidding me? I would never use one and never knew that the ‘okay’ sign was anything but positive. My South Dakota parents instilled in me to respect everyone and that means everyone, no matter their skin color or religion. I was invited to my home state of South Dakota to introduce my friend, Gov. Kristi Noem, which I did. And I was proud to be at our great shrine of democracy, Mt. Rushmore.”

Due to the coronavirus, fans are no longer allowed to watch baseball from the stands this season, so the Dodgers and other teams have been offering fans the ability to buy a life size cardboard cutout of themselves to be placed in the stands to have a “presence” at the games. 

As a dedicated Dodgers fan and longtime season ticket holder, Hart bought a cutout of herself in the front row. Hart’s name became a trending topic on social media after Twitter users watching Thursday game began calling for the Dodgers to remove Hart’s cutout.

One angry user wrote, “Why is Mary Hart’s cutout at Dodger Stadium? @Dodgers @LosAngeleno @mlb @LosAngelesToday Just want to remind you she was throwing out the wp hands signs recently. I knw u remember… Here’s a pic to jog yr memory…remove her, please. Her rhetoric has no place in our house.”

Another person said, “Can someone on the @Dodgers go spit on the Mary Hart cutout after her hosting performance at Trump’s Mt. Rushmore MAGA debacle?”

Those defending Hart pointed to the fact that Left-wing darling Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez recently used the “OK” sign: “Right?? Enough of these white supremacists and their hateful hand signs!” 

Others fired back at the “OK” sign conspiracy, “It’s an “ok” sign. Take your f**king leftist politics out of sports. Some people just want to watch a ballgame without being confronted with whether the pitcher or catcher care about eco-sexual-afrocentric-veganism. IT’S. A. GAME.”

The Los Angeles Dodgers have not yet said whether they will remove the cut out of super-fan Mary Hart.

The Gov’t’s Actions Have Gone Beyond Anything I Imagined!

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Chicago Mayor Orders Removal Of Columbus Statue While City Crime Spree Breaks Records


More than 70 people were shot in Chicago over the weekend, but the city’s Democratic Mayor Lori Lightfoot is focusing her efforts instead on picking partisan battles with President Donald Trump by rejecting federal help while removing statues as a representative of the Marxist mob.

On Friday, residents woke up to the disappearance of the Christopher Columbus statue in the city’s Grant Park which was ordered removed overnight. One week earlier, protestors lobbed projectiles at police officers, leaving 49 of them injured after defending the memorial from being torn down. Another statue to the legacy Italian explorer was removed at Arrigo Park.

The Windy City meanwhile, has seen some of its most violent days on record, where weekends seeing continual spikes in shootings and homicides are becoming a regular occurrence.

Twenty-three people were shot on Tuesday alone, killing four including one 17-year-old. Just a few weeks earlier, the city saw 106 shootings that killed 14. In May, 25 people were shot to death between May 29-30 marking Chicago’s most violent weekend in more than six decades.

Mayor Lightfoot however, has explicitly rejected federal support to curb the violence sweeping the city.

“Under no circumstances will I allow Donald Trump’s troops to come to Chicago and terrorize our residents,” Lightfoot wrote to the possibility that federal agents come to protect the city.

Columbus’ Chicago demise follows the removal of statues for the explorer who paved the way for western civilization in the Ohio capital of Columbus; Richmond, Virginia; and Camden, New Jersey where protestors beheaded him.

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Dr. Scott Atlas: Science Demands That Schools Reopen



On this episode of The Federalist Radio Hour, Scott Atlas joined Ben Domenech to discuss the data surrounding schools reopening and the dangers of not following the science. Atlas is a fellow in scientific philosophy and public policy at Stanford University’s Hoover Institution, a member of Hoover’s Working Group on Health Care Policy, and the former head of Neuroradiology at Stanford Medical School.

Atlas laid out multiple points of scientific evidence indicating the necessity of reopening schools. This included the documented facts that children are young people are at low risk of developing COVID-19 themselves and they’re at low risk of spreading it to others.

Furthermore, he said, school closures are extremely harmful to children’s health in different ways, especially in that distance learning has proven to be a failure.

“There is nothing more important to the United States than educating our children. It is an absolute urgent top priority. And when you say those three things, there is no argument to keep schools closed. None,” he said.

Listen Here:


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Wall Street Journal Editorial Team Defies Media Cancellers From Inside Their House


On Thursday, the Wall Street Journal editorial board sent out ‘“A Note to Readers” vowing not to give in to cancel culture.  

Earlier this week over 280 journalists, editors, and other employees at the Journal and their parent company Dow Jones criticized the Journal’s opinion section in a leaked letter to the Journal’s publisher Almar Latour, calling for better labeling of opinion pieces and stronger fact-checking of op-eds, specifically attacking the publication of a recent essay by Vice President Mike Pence on the coronavirus.

“Opinion’s lack of fact-checking and transparency, and its apparent disregard for evidence, undermine our readers’ trust and our ability to gain credibility with sources,” the staff’s letter read, while also demanding more coverage of race and inequality.

The “Note to Readers” said that people were responding to the leaked letter concerned that the Journal will move to change their “principles and content,” but the authors reassured readers the Journal “… won’t respond in kind to the letter signers”.  

“… the opinion pages will continue to publish contributors who speak their minds within the tradition of vigorous, reasoned discourse. And these columns will continue to promote the principles of free people and free markets, which are more important than ever in what is a culture of growing progressive conformity and intolerance.”

The Journal explained, “It was probably inevitable that the wave of progressive cancel culture would arrive at the Journal, as it has at nearly every other cultural, business, academic and journalistic institution.” 

“But we are not the New York Times,” the editorial board wrote, taking a jab at their competitor and alluding to recent events at the Times, like the resignation of the editorial page editor after widespread criticism of an op-ed by Republican Sen. Tom Cotton and the very public resignation of New York Times editor Bari Weiss, who experienced harassment and bigotry at the Times for her centrist views. 

The Journal defended their opinion page and its commitment to publishing a diversity of views writing, “Most Journal reporters attempt to cover the news fairly and down the middle, and our opinion pages offer an alternative to the uniform progressive views that dominate nearly all of today’s media.”

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